This has been going on far too long and I must admit it is terrifying.

I have this ongoing feeling that I'm being followed. However, every time I turn around he/she is not there.

I've begun to think it might be some paranormal activity. Actually, I'm sure of it.

This has been going on since I was a child.

Between me and you. I think my reflection is alive. I know that must sound crazy but just hear me out.

Ever since I was 16 I've had conversations with it.

I know that sounds crazy but seriously it's true. I was once reveling at my awesomeness and it told me that I was so full of myself it was a wonder I was able to ever snag a girlfriend.

I basically told it to fuck off. You know, what else are you supposed to say to a fucking reflection. Now it shows up everywhere. Hell, if my screen on my Blackberry or itouch is too shiny, it'll pop up just to spook me.

It's pretty hard picking up a girl when you're seen arguing with a phone. I remember the last time I was messing around with a girl she had the bright idea to have sex in front of the mirror to that song by Ne-yo. Anyway, so we're enjoying ourselves when this fuck starts getting me out of rhythm, calling me a novice. I threw the poor girl on the ground and got into a screaming match with her mirror. Let's just say it didn't end well and I got a pretty damn nice laceration across my arm after I punched the shit out of the mirror.

I'm pretty sure we're all aware who won that encounter. It was in pieces and couldn't be fixed so what?

Anyway, the sad part is I can't even walk past puddles in the street anymore or else it starts cackling at me for some unknown reason.

Just last week I got arrested for Assault on a Police Officer. Listen it was supposed to be for a speeding charge and all but...well it was a sunny day outside. I got distracted by him calling me a faggot over and over from the rear view mirror and well...I was going a bit fast through a school zone. Almost ran over a couple of kids and shit. Anyway I see the cop lights and siren going off and realize what I had done so I pull over. The cop had these black sunglasses and of course...there it was. Calling me a moron, a dumbass and a flaming pedophile. I punched the shit out of those sunglasses...except they were in front of the officer's face. Got a court date next week.

Well...umm yeah anyone got any ideas on how to help me with my little problem?

And no I'm not crazy. I've passed all the Psych Exams available to me. I'm worried about this little dilemma.

Now I can get back to serious business.  Actually, no it isn't really serious business.

You know I should really stop taking up challenges and/or deals.

It takes away from my "creative" writing.  If you didn't like my Cutting post...well Whoops?  I'd apologize but many of you subscribed have seen my over the top humor before.  See when I'm bored I push too many buttons.  Whoops?

Now onto this post.  I'm bored as all hell and I've been reading this webcomic about an asshole, an asshole bigger than even myself (Yes I'm aware that is impossible but not in the animated world), and well this post is slightly dedicated to my hero.  Yes, even I look up to people not named Jon.

So here's my attempt at a romantic story that *gasps* doesn't end up shitty and depressing.  I really deserve to lose all my subscribers with this futile attempt at romanticism.

Boy loves girl.

Girl doesn't trust boy.

Boy has bad reputation.

Girl asks for him to write her something from the heart.

Boy wonders what a "heart" is.

Boy watches lots of cartoons.

Boy sees the age old poem on a Looney Tunes cartoon.

Boy rewrites it for the Girl.

Boy calls a meeting at school in football field.

Boy recites poem, it goes something like this.

I want you all to know I Love Girl
So Much that what you Might Hear Might Make you Hurl
Roses Are Red
Violets Are Blue
I love this girl so much
I'd even eat her bloody poo.

Boy bows.

Girl becomes embarrassed.

Boy goes up to Girl.

Girl slaps Boy.

The crowd at football field chants for a kiss.

Girl Kisses Boy.

Boy Kisses Girl.

The End.

Where do I sign to get my fucking Pulitzer Prize?

I read something today that I fell in love with.

Here's the link.  "The Day You Were Sad" by Jennifer Levin.  Enjoy.

Nicole heard a knock on the door and through the peepole noticed the UPS delivery man waiting with a package.  She opened the door, even though she wasn't expecting anything and greeted the delivery man.

"Hello, Sign here and here. "

He then gave her the package and waved goodbye.

The return address read

Dr. Jackman
381 Stewart Avenue
Garden City, NY 11530

Jackman.  She remembered that name far too well.  

She sighed as she remembered the 3 year relationship that had ended four summers ago.  His arrogance and pride had gotten in the way as well as his over the top flirty nature.  One day it all blew up in his face and she checked the messages on his phone.  

To her surprise there were revealing pictures of a few women he had mentioned at his internship.  Nicole confronted him and although he apologized and swore he had never cheated on her... the damage had been done.  She packed up all her stuff from their apartment and with tears in her eyes told him he'd never find another like her.  Ever.  One wonders how he didn't stop her from packing but one must believe his extreme sense of pride wouldn't allow him to show weakness.

She moved in with her friend later that night.  Constant calls, text messages, voicemails and uninvited visits to her new place were the norm for three weeks.  

These two always believed they would get back together eventually.  After the three weeks passed, though, he gave up. It was at that moment that both parties realized it was over.  

Nicole cried herself to sleep for a month straight.  He, on the other hand, well... that's what the video is about.

She popped the DVD into the DVD player and turned on her TV and there he was again.

Hey, beautiful.  Long time huh?  Four long years.  Miss me?  No?  Maybe just a smidgen?  Haha.  Well in case you haven't I can't blame ya can I?  Well I missed you and ... well on certain nights I still miss you.

She paused the video for a moment.  The onrush of emotions came on far too strongly.  She noticed a small twitch and a slightly more gaunt look than the last time their eyes met.  His skin didn't have it's usual healthy shine and the look in his eyes was one of defeat.  She pressed play and on went the show.

Anyway, I graduated and finished my internship and a certified M.D.  My mother passed away last year.  She told me I needed to find a wife and that she did not approve of the last couple of women I had brought home.  "Whatever happened to that nice girl Nicole", she'd say whenever she teased at me still being unmarried.  She died in her sleep of cardiac arrest.  My stepfather didn't last more than two months without her.  He passed away in his sleep as well. She might have been a pain in the ass but that old man loved her to death.  If only I was half then man he was huh?

Remember my best friend Michael?  We went out drinking one night and well ... he's gone now.  At least it was instantaneous. He left behind a three month old and newlywed widow.  I haven't seen her since the funeral.  She blames me for the accident and wished I had died instead.  He's been gone for a year and a half now.  

Let's see...what else happened?  I was engaged for awhile with this beautiful young woman.  Everything went well between Erica and I for awhile until one day I mistakenly called her Nicole.  Needless to say she thought I was being unfaithful, and she tried to off herself about a week after the incident.  She went on some anti-depressants and we called things off about three months after the previously stated incident.  That was about eight months ago or so.

Anyway, I've been...thinking about you and since I'm the last person you probably want to see right now I had no choice but to make this video... you know as a goodbye and all.

(He begins to strip down to his undershirts and boxers)

I don't look so hot anymore, huh?  Hey, remember you bought me the RHCP album By The Way.  Still got the autographed copy I ended up getting you off eBay?  If so pop it in to a cd player and turn on song number 4.  I'll wait until you find it.  Pause the video until you find it.

She does as requested and searches through her music collection.  She pops it into her stereo system presses play on the CD player. 

Okay, then.  Do me a favor now.  On the count of three I will start the song and you should start it when I say three.  Deal?  Deal, that is as long as you're playing along.  Ok so one, two and --

(large pause) three.

Both parties play Dosed.

I never really liked this song up until recently.  As of half a year ago I well...  I know you're going to be disappointed.  I once promised you I'd never do any drugs again.  Sadly love, reality became too much  for even me to handle.  Hope you can forgive me for that broken promise.  Maybe someday you can forgive me for it all?  Maybe.

Anyway, I eventually fell to heroin.  It's pretty common here on Long Island.  

Remember one time I didn't think I could live without you.  It's true you know.  Yes, physically I'm breathing, walking, talking and such but as sad as this may sound you were everything else.  You became what life meant to me.  Nicole equaled life.  I've moved from addiction to addiction and you were most definitely the healthiest of them all.

Euphoria, ecstasy is what you once meant to me.  Now--

Robert picks up the belt from up off the floor and wraps it around his arm.  He picks up a syringe from a table behind him and begins to Speak again.  

This is what gets me through my day and nights.  

He taps his vein a bit, waiting for it to bulge a bit.  Then he takes the syringe and puts the needle--and, well, the rest is obvious.  

Nicole wanted to look away but she couldn't.  She could no longer hold the tears back.  

This is my euphoria now.  This is my heaven.  

Robert leaves the screen for a moment and then comes back with a stack of photo albums.

Remember these?  I kept them all this time.  I even have some of the baby pictures I stole from you.  Ha...I planned to bribe you one day with them.  Here, look at this one.  This is a picture I took from a piece of paper you hid from me in your pocket.  We had a small tickle war and eventually you gave in.  Recognize the handwriting or what it says?  Well in case the video isn't too clear it says "Nicole Jackman." 

Yeah, I have a lot of photos of us.  Just us...

Robert spends several minutes looking the albums and shows several photo off to the camera.

Look, this isn't what I thought life would have in store for me at this stage in my life.  I remember at one point in my life I was happy.  Not content but genuinely happy.  

It disgusts me what I've now become. Once the high wears off I'll be shipping this to you.  

Believe in reincarnation?  For our sake, I hope I well ... See you again babycakes.

The screen went black. 

Last anyone heard of Nicole, she attended a closed casket wake. 

The lack of respect at work sometimes astounds me.

So a guy comes in and asks for 3 $2 Phone cards to call his fucking country.  Cool.  I got no problem with that.

The guy gives me 4 $1 bills, 2 quarters, 1 dime and...

140 Pennies.

Yeah, One Hundred Forty Fucking Pennies.

Obviously a little annoyed at the hassle I kindly asked him to count it.

He refused saying it was all there.  The fuck refused to count the change. 

At that point he set me off.  I explained to him, any other fucking deli (especially one owned by americans), would tell him to fucking shove it. 

A customer came in asking me why I was counting the pennies.  How did I respond?

"Because he fucking wouldn't."

I mean honestly, if you're going to give someone change to pay for something shouldn't you have it counted out.  If dealing with pennies shouldn't you have it rolled up in those stupid tubes and been somewhat respectful..

If this establishment wasn't owned by my parents...